Who knew? I asked but really it is a rhetorical question. The underlying theme of the story remains the same (this is soul-crushing).
Almost two years ago I wrote about my experience as a woman who had been sexually assaulted and no one listened at the time. Now, the memories are triggered again, this time my gender is secondary to my race. Both are who I am. I don’t have the luxury of taking these identities off and setting them aside.
And now, almost two years later, here I am again. Triggered by something that is happening in my greater world. George Floyd has sparked a movement around the world. He narrated his own death as a police officer pinned him down with his knee on his neck and continued to do so, for almost two minutes after George Floyd was unresponsive and had no pulse.
Once again, I sat back and watched how some tried to justify or excuse what had happened by first saying he resisted, then he had drugs in his system. He was attempting to pass a counterfeit $20 bill. And finally, he had a criminal history.
The following is what I shared on Facebook. Never ever did I think I would share my story on that platform(it was hard enough to do it here 2 years ago). Hopefully, we will write a new end to this story.
I am having a hard time with this…
I get it that people are getting caught up in their emotions. I know I am. But I am begging you to have empathy. Whatever George Floyd was, he didn’t deserve to die the way that he did.
Why do we always seek to find some reason to justify and explain away the cruelty of some people.
I am struggling.
When I was 18 years old, I was raped by a guy I went out with (Long before the term “date rape” was coined. When the male detective interviewed me (before female detectives and sex crimes units) he told me that the guy had a criminal record of burglary but nothing else and that the guy said I consented. He also said he passed a lie detector test. So I asked the detective what happens next? Do I take a test too? And the detective said to me, “I don’t really think that’s necessary, do you? I asked him what did he mean? And he said, “I understand how it is with you young, inexperienced girls but to have sex and change your mind and say rape isn’t fair.”
When I repeated this conversation to my RA and the other detective, the first detective said he never said that.
I am not ok.
I stayed in school but a part of me was broken. It sticks with me because that was the semester I carried 19 credit hours and got A’s in all my classes. That’s also the semester my roommate came home one day and found me sitting in the middle of the floor rocking.
I don’t remember now when the next thing happened but I know that this same guy attacked a white girl and beat her up. Then all of a sudden, the police wanted to find him. I don’t think they ever did.
Wow, Regina why are you sharing this now?
If you can’t figure it then that says it all, doesn’t it?