It’s been a couple of months now and things are not much better; maybe even worse. Emotionally I’m a wreck. A study in contradictions. Caught in the rushing rapids my body is exhausted as the current carries me downstream. A part of me doesn’t want to fight anymore yet as I near the edge of the falls, I scramble trying to find something to grasp onto to keep from slipping over the edge.
Clinging to that part of my brain that is logical and not emotional. The intelligent part that says I deserve better. Suicide is easy, cowardly and selfish. Scrapping bottom but not touching it. My faith is broken. I think maybe that hurts the worse. Self-inflicted pain…who can screw you up better than yourself?
I don’t sleep so much as pass out from exhaustion.